Thursday, September 27, 2007

It's not like me to be pissed off, but I am

So my dad asked me yesterday how long I've got left at uni.

I hadn't actually told my parents about repeating, because I knew I'd get hassle.

I told him 2 years, as things had not gone well last year and I'm repeating year 2. His reply?

"Oh, here we go again..." (obviously referencing either my brother, who is repeating year 3 this year, or me dropping out of uni the first time round, and implying that this means I won't get a degree this time either.) "What do you mean, things didn't go well?"

I explained about the not sleeping and the being tired constantly and struggling with mornings, therefore not getting to lectures.

"You ought to have got out of that pattern years ago." Like I haven't tried? "You want to stop all that other stuff."

I asked what stuff he meant.


Oh, so that's the reason why I'm ill! All these years I've thought it was fibromyalgia, but obviously not. Obviously two evenings of choir practice a week stop me from getting to morning lectures. Also obviously that's what's been wrong with me for the past 10 years even though I wasn't even in a choir for 6 of those years. All I have to do is give up my ONE social activity and stay at home every evening studying and cleaning the house and tidying up the garden and all the other things he thinks I should be doing.

Okay. Thanks for the support Dad. Thanks for believing that I can do this, and being so constructive with your criticism. Thanks for constantly approving everything I do. Also thanks for having a clue what you're talking about, and listening to me when I explain how things are, and believing that I'm actually ill.

Of course, you're in complete control of my life, and that's the way it should be. You're always right, and I never am. I need positive people like you in my life.

Anyone detect any sarcasm there?

Winning the pub quiz every week does not make you the expert on Anna. Neither does it qualify you to be a doctor, or to tell me how to live, or how best to get my degree (btw he has no qualifications apart from a certificate in welding or something from about a hundred years ago).

Fuck you, Dad. Shut the fuck up already.


  1. So sorry, sweetheart. Unsupportive parents suck.
    When I turned 18, my Mom asked me when I was going to settle down and start having babies. (!?!) As if that was all I should want to do with my life!

  2. Don't they understand that we're individual people who want to live their lives in our own way?

    I guess a lot of people say this, but if I ever have kids (unlikely) I'll let them make their own mistakes and deal with the consequences. Sure I'll give advice, and support them as much as I can, but in the end you have to let people do their own thing, even if you don't approve.

  3. Yeah, cos at 18 you're starting to get past your baby-making prime... lol!

  4. I don't think a lot of people really even say that (about letting their kids be themselves). I mean, probably in the circles we run with, but I think most of the general populace really just sees their children as extensions of themselves or new hobbies or something. But not as PEOPLE. It really bothers me.

  5. As usual, we completely agree!

    Kids aren't allowed to make their own choices. I think also as a society, we bring up kids to think that nothing is ever their fault. It's the fault of the teachers, the government, it's because they don't have the latest computer game or whatever.

    If you treat kids as adults and give them the same respect you'd give an adult (but at the same time expect the same standards of behaviour as you'd expect from an adult), they really do respond, in my experience. Obviously this works less well with young children, but similar principles apply.

    I always hated as a child when I asked a question (like "why do I have to go to bed now", or "why can't I have...") and was given the standard "just because" answer. You'd explain to an adult rather than just expecting them to accept it, so why not a toddler, or a five-year-old?

    And now I'll stop before this comment gets longer than the original post!

  6. Ooooh, yes. I have taken a solemn vow never, ever to tell my kids, "Just because" or "Because I said so." HATED that as a child!
    I think it's very important to a child's self-esteem to show that you have respect for them as a person. I mean, if their parents don't respect them, where are they supposed to learn that they should be respected?
    I think many parents are afraid of holding their children accountable for their actions. Too often, they let things get too far out of hand before taking action, by which point the action has to be fairly extreme to get a response. It's ridiculous. And sad.

  7. It's sad how the people closest to us show the least understanding about illness yet strangers can be so compassionate! You're not alone - my parents never understood what was wrong with me either. Good luck at uni.

  8. Damn right as usual Lea. Can you adopt me please? ;)

    Mo, yeah, you're right. I get most of my support online, from people who can't even physically see how my illness affects me day-to-day (and should therefore have a worse idea of what my experience with it is).

    Apparently I can't write coherent sentences right now, never mind! ;)

  9. Well, I suppose I could adopt you, but I think you'd have to change schools and you certainly wouldn't enjoy the heat here. :) Hmmm... maybe t would be a good excuse to get Michael to move over there? lol

  10. Sounds good to me!! Get your plane tickets booked! ;)