Wednesday, September 19, 2007


I'm just not in a good mood.

The sum total of my progress today has been grouting maybe 2 square feet of tiles. I fecking hate grouting, it hurts my wrists and it's dull and tedious and boring. I'm gonna leave it for Michael to do I think.

Michael's off to Edinburgh tomorrow with work, for the fourth time in three weeks. It's pretty bad timing, because I'd like him to be getting on with some house stuff here rather than sitting on his arse all night in a hotel on his own. And I'm so used to him doing certain jobs that I forget about them when he's not here, so the bins don't get emptied and the dishwasher doesn't get unloaded, simply because I don't think about it.

It worries me a bit that I don't really miss him. I seem to just get on with it. I think I'm just not in emotion mode right now, as I'm not feeling anything very much, like just emotionally beige or something. I guess it's better than being depressed, and it's probably a result of me not doing anything fun for ages.

Another thing that's winding me up is my left wrist. I had a ganglion removed from it 5 or 6 years ago and I have a lovely little scar and a lump there now, which swells up and hurts a bit occasionally. Basically it's not the same wrist as it used to be, but it's pretty much okay. Took me months to be able to use it properly after the op though. It was bothering me last night, and I noticed another ganglion has popped up to the left of the op scar. It's quite tender and achy and annoying. I don't know whether I want to have it treated or not because of the pain and inconvenience of the op - maybe I'll wait to see how bad it's going to be. And if anyone else tells me to hit it with a Bible I'll scream! First, I'm an atheist. I don't have a Bible. And second... I have no desire to be hit hard on the wrist with a heavy book. Call me weird.

So yeah. I'll try to be productive tomorrow. I certainly feel better when I'm doing stuff. Or am I doing stuff because I feel better? Either way - I'm not happy today. Just frustrated and tired and blergh.

I was going to post this in Pirate-speak, considering what day it is. But I really can't be arsed.


  1. Whenever I feel lethargic like that, miserable, bored, can't be arsed, I try (if I think of it!) to do something really simple I can't possibly fail at. Like the washing up. Or unloading the dishwasher. Anything small and quick, to give me that minute lift of actually having achieved something. That's usually enough to prod me into doing something slightly more challenging. I've been know to end up saying "WTF! Where'd the damn day go?!"

  2. Beige days can be worse than blue days, as when you are blue you are blue, when you are beige you are in no mans land, thats how I normally feel when I am beige, hate beige. I try and get out for a walk when that comes over to blow away some cob webs.

    Great going on the exercise, its so encouragin when you loose and inch or two. My bust goes first, I dont want to loose any more off my bust, tummy yes bust no!

    Wish I lived closer we could go exercise together, you will have to have some of my posistive thoughts instead, they are coming now!!!

  3. Yeah, not doing anything fun for ages will leave you feeling beige.

    BTW I had a ganglion removed too - you are the only other person I have ever met who has had one. I haven't developed another one, but I still get some pain in my wrist from time to time.

  4. Anna, you have my sympathy on the beiges (as opposed to the blues)and the ganglion, whatever that is. I have a feeling I would rather not know what it is. Good to read you again.

  5. Thanks guys.

    I think I'm just tired. Hard to be anything other than beige when you're tired.

    I really do need to think of fun stuff. Still, choir on Monday, that should be good. I've missed it.

    Rob - trust me, I can fail at your really simple jobs! On a bad day something like "have a shower" or "check email" becomes a legitimate task, and I still struggle to do that. I'm better recently though. I think sometimes I just have to listen to my body/brain and give it a rest, but it's hard to know when to do that and when to just force myself to get on with something.

    Kate - we can be wrist lump sisters, lol!

    Nic - yeah, I hate beige. I'd rather be depressed, at least I know where I am then. It's like an all-over local anaesthetic or something. As for the exercise, I don't think I'd keep up with you!!! Thoughts are appreciated. xx

    Carmen - it's not so awful, really. Just a lump on the back of my hand where it joins the wrist. It's ugly and it hurts a bit but it's not bothering me too much. Wikipedia says this:
    "A ganglion cyst (also known as a bible bump) is a swelling that often appears on or around joints and tendons in the hand or foot. The size of the cyst can vary over time, often becoming more inflamed if irritated. It is most frequently located around the wrist and on the fingers."