The non-sexual crush

So I sort of have a bit of a crush on someone.

Someone I'm not sexually attracted to at all.

It's a sort of wanting to impress them, being more interested in whatever they're talking about than you usually would be, being more aware of them than others in the room, caring what they think of you kind of deal, rather than wanting to sleep with them.

It's weird.

I've noticed that when this happens to me (not that it happens very often, not since my teenage years), it's usually a woman that's the recipient.

Now I am sexually attracted to women as well as men, but don't identify as bisexual mostly because I'm not interested in romantic/sexual relationships with women - in general they are just too complicated, with all that expecting you to be a mind reader and saying one thing and meaning another and insecurities that you get so often. Note that I'm not dissing women at all here, neither am I saying that all women are like that. Those that are? It's a social conditioning thing. But I digress. Plus, penis = good.

So anyway. This crush is a man. I've known him for a while, although I don't know him very well.

I've been trying to figure out what it is I like about him, and what he has in common with my previous crushes - and I've come up with a little "crush wishlist".

1) Funny. Makes me laugh, in a clever not-just-endless-fart/penis-jokes kind of way. Which also leads to...
2) Clever. But not obviously cleverer than me. Not that I've administered IQ tests - he could very well be more intelligent than me but he doesn't act it, and that's the bit that matters. Clever enough to be intellectually stimulating, but not clever enough to be threatening or make me feel stupid.
3) Slightly vulnerable. Guess that's the maternal side I haven't got coming out.

This probably explains my little list of People I Don't Fancy But Would Still Sleep With, which notably includes Alan Davies, Bill Bailey, Billy Connelly, Rich Hall, and Jennifer Saunders. Okay, so I do sort of fancy Jennifer Saunders, but not enough to discount her from this list.

What is it about funny people? I don't get it.

Girl stuff, bit worrying

So last night when I went to bed I noticed some discomfort when I turned over onto my right side (I usually settle down on my side, almost on my tummy, leaning on my opposite arm). My right breast hurt.

Now as I'm bigger than average (DD cup), sometimes if I lay on them wrong my breasts can hurt, but I'd only just turned over.

An bit of an experimental prod revealed that both breasts are swollen (especially the right one, which is bigger anyway). They feel firmer, bigger, and quite tender. They ache, like I've been hit with something. They hurt more if I touch them.

Also my stomach is bloated and a little crampy. Like a cross between mild period pain and wind really.

I've never had tender breasts before. I'm not sure when my period is due, because I'm not in the slightest bit regular, but it's been at least a month. And I don't usually get stomach cramps until I actually start bleeding.

So this has lead me to the obvious worry.

Could me and my dodgy hormones be pregnant?

We had sex 12 or 13 days ago. With a condom. And nothing for months before that, because I'm always tired and not feeling in the least bit sexy, so if I am pregnant it's from then.

Is 12 days too early to start showing symptoms? Do I need to get a test?

And more importantly, what if I am?? How the hell does that fit in to my "don't really want kids right now, if ever" lifeplan?

Blogging For Sex Education

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.