Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Just realised something

Why do I start thinking people don't like me when I'm depressed?

Because I'm generally no fun - I:

Don't go out because it feels like too much effort
Don't talk much in group situations
Give the impression of constant boredom or inattention
Stop making small talk, asking people questions and generally interacting in a social way
Don't often smile, joke, tease, or flirt
Break promises
Forget I've agreed to do something or meet someone
Let other people fill the gaps in conversation (thus making talking to me hard work).

So I end up looking cold and serious and unapproachable and let's be honest, boring. Really can't blame people for not treating me in the same way they used to, because right now I'm not even the same person.


  1. Aww Anna, it's so horrible reading how you feel, you are a really lovely person, and I so much enjoyed meeting you. I can't offer you any advice on how to overcome your thoughts about yourself, I only wish I could. Just remember how those who have met and know you think you are the complete opposite to all those negative things you think they are feling. BIG HUG to you. xx

  2. Hi Anna, just wanted to say that I hope you feel better soon. I can relate exactly to the way you describe feeling when depressed (usually feel like I want to give up on social interaction altogether and hide from the world) but I'm currently on SSRIs and feeling pretty good considering the time of year! I love your blog - came across it several times by chance when searching for various topics such as a lavender cake recipe (which was universally popular with all who sampled it - thank you!).

  3. Well, depression *is* boring, to the person who has it as well as everyone else. It's grey and uninteresting and an emotional bowl of unsalted oatmeal.

    It also eventually goes away and you return to your old fascinating self.


  4. @Jan - Thank you, that does actually help a bit. Although I'm not as nice as I appear to be, as Michael would no doubt tell you! ;)

    @Amanda - Welcome! I'm on fluoxetine (Prozac) and it is helping, but I'm definitely not my "usual" self so I figure I either need to take more, or take something else. I'm also thinking about a light box in the hope that it'll help me reset my sleep pattern. Fingers crossed anyway.

    The lavender cake is very popular with my friends, they request it all the time! I like lavender with chicken too. Glad you liked it!

    @Rootie - I find depression fascinating actually, but that's because I'm a psychology nerd! It's also very frustrating when friends are suffering because I want to help but realistically, apart from offering advice and support and hugs and so on, there's very little I can actually do. I mean it's just not possible to "fix" people, all you can do is facilitate them fixing themselves.

    And it's very irritating that I know so much about CBT and mental illnesses and circadian rhythm sleep disorders and such, yet I'm still struggling. And that attitude's typical of negative thinking.

    Thank you all. I do appreciate it. xxx

  5. Hi Anna! I think you need to be who you are and let people deal with it. You are a nice, considerate person and if you forget appointments or stuff like that, we all do! You are not the only one. Besides, I can't stand it when people depend on others to entertain them. I'm not there to make other people laugh or to draw them out, I'm just there...

    Let me know how you are doing.