Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Just to let you know

I'm still here.I haven't blogged in forever because really I don't think I have anything interesting to say.

Having depression again, you see.

Yes I'm on medication, and yes it's helping, but no I don't feel my usual self yet. I'm just supremely unimpressed by everything a lot of the time, and my sleep pattern's completely fucked despite regular attempts to de-fuck it (hence me still awake and posting at 4am).

I'm not trying to elicit sympathy, don't get me wrong. And I'm not even that bad really, mostly just like the shine's been taken off everything and nothing is fun and I can't be bothered with it all. I'm not cutting myself, or crying all the time (have only cried once actually), or in a black cloud of despair, or thinking that no-one really likes me and that they'd be happier if I wasn't around - which is a step up from my last "episode" - I'm just not really here.

We have a choir Christmas concert on Thursday, and I'm singing a solo quartet bit in one of the pieces (Britten's Hymn to the Virgin) which is a really nice piece. I really wanted to get the solo and I did. I'd expect to be happy about it, but somehow my brain thinks it's not even worth mentioning. I just want to go to sleep.

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