Some more searches

Because these are amusing.

Enid Blyton's audiobook downloads
bruckner choral "mr bean"
"can't run" "tight skirt"
pergolesi alleluia
"pie wedgies"
"warhammer porn"
I wish to know what is an alternative spice for rosemary
intersex breasts

And these were image searches:

free willy 2
free willy
little penis
hedgehog penis
hog penis
penis hog

There must be some disappointed people out there.

I know, it's been a long time

I'd like to say thanks to those of you who have kept checking back, only to find that I still haven' t posted... thanks for waiting for me!

So a quick update.

I haven't been well for a while. I've had various colds/coughs/sore throats/sinus problems for the last eight weeks or so, and while none of it was bad enough to put me in bed for more than a couple of days I've had no rest from general crappiness. I'm feeling much better now, all I have is a cough which is improving slowly.
Maybe it's the diabetes fecking up my immune system. I've never had a winter like this. At one point I was worried that I had meningitis because I felt so bad - presumably I didn't!

I can't remember if I told you guys that my (other) house sold back in September, so we have some spare cash for work on this place. Soon we'll have a new kitchen. Thank goodness for that, I hate my current one. It's ugly and old and dark and not well designed.

The carol book fundraising has gone very well, I'm pretty sure we have enough money for the books now so thanks to everyone who contributed. You're all stars. :)

I've recently started singing lessons, which although I've only had two so far (being ill I haven't been able to go for a while) I can tell they've made a lot of difference to my voice. My singing teacher is the guy who conducts the main SingSoc choir (the one whose car got stolen) and he really knows his stuff. He says my voice is good and that the only problems with it are things I don't know because I haven't had lessons. I'm working on sight-singing and breathing and supporting the sound in the correct way - it's very hard to change the bad habits I've picked up over the years but it does help so much. And it's fun!

And while I'm on the subject, I'm currently recording vocals for an album my brother is making. It's an exciting project, and although the music isn't really my style (it's kind of folk rock type stuff) it sounds good. It's fascinating to see how the sound changes as different musicians add their parts to the track - we start with my brother's vocals and mandolin part then I write and record the harmony/countermelody, then guitar, drums and bass are added by other people. And by the time it's finished it ends up in a different place to his first concep, but it works. It's certainly an experience.

Probably there are other things, but I forget. If they're important, I'll remember them later.

It's nice to be back. Especially as Blogger has finally decided to let me go Beta.

Please help

For those of you who don't know, I'm a member of the University of Sheffield Singers' Society (SingSoc).

Basically we have three choirs open to staff and students and also members of the public - we focus on singing to a high standard and having fun at the same time. Usually this time of year we're busy singing Christmas carols to raise money for charity.

But this year is different.

Our choir director's car was stolen on Friday night, and along with it the 160 copies of Carols for Choirs that we'd borrowed from the University's Music Department. Neither the director's car insurance or the Music Department's insurance will pay out for the books, which will cost almost £2000 to replace. That's about 2 year's budget.

So we're on hands and knees, grovelling. We already have around £300 which we collected at our last concert, but obviously there's still a way to go yet. Please please donate something to help us, even if it's only a pound or a dollar or whatever you can spare - if enough people contribute we might even get to buy some replacement books before our carol concert!

If we don't raise enough money we won't be able to afford to hire music and concert venues, or pay orchestras. We have an outreach project planned for next year, where we will create a large choir of local kids - we'd have to cancel that. If we can't put on concerts, the Society will go bankrupt. So please help us - I really don't want to lose my choirs.

We've set up a PayPal account for donations, which you can access as follows.

1. Go to www.paypal.com
2. Sign up for a personal PayPal account - if you've used eBay you probably already have one so you can just use that, if not it's pretty easy to set one up. Just click Sign Up at the top of the page .
3. Log In to your account.
4. Click Send Money at the top of the page.
5. In the Recipient's email box, enter singsoc@shef.ac.uk
6. Fill in the amount you want to donate.
7. In the Category of purchase box, select service.
8. Click Continue.
9. Check all the details are correct. You don't need to add your postal address.
10. Click Send Money.

Thank you so much for your help. :)
Anna...x
On behalf of all at SingSoc.

Welcome to my world

Recently I’ve spent a lot of time allowing myself to fade into the background.

I do this by:
• Keeping quiet. I join in discussions, but tend not to engage people in conversation; in particular I don’t really do small talk. I just listen to other people mostly, and just speak when I’m spoken to.
• Wearing really boring clothes. Jeans, trainers, baggy T-shirts in brown or sludge green, hair tied back in a low ponytail. Not wearing makeup.
• Pretending to be distracted. Sometimes if I see someone I know, I’ll act as if I don’t see them. If they say hello to me I’ll talk, but if not I won’t. I think it’s in case they didn’t want to say hi, and then I don’t embarrass myself by talking to them when they intended to just walk past. Which truly is stupid.
• Playing down the things that make me unique, like my intelligence and knowledge and musical ability and enthusiasm and all the little things that make me stand out. Similarly exaggerating things I’m lacking, or not so good at, and unfavourably comparing myself to other people.
• Continuing to do the same boring things I do every day, and never challenging myself with something new.

I hate how easy it is for me to lose confidence in myself. I really thought that it would just be a matter of time before I felt happy in my own skin, like once I started doing something I enjoy and am good at (i.e. studying, singing) things would just fall into place, but of course it doesn’t happen like that.

For me to explain this properly I’ll have to delve a little bit into my background, so bear with me.

While I was at school I was, while not exactly systematically bullied, teased about my appearance, and pretty much told that I’d never be able to attract men, never have a boyfriend, etc (as if that’s the be all and end all of life anyway!) so by the time I left at 16 I was pretty much settled with the idea that my brains were a deficit rather than an asset, that I wasn’t pretty and popular like my “friends”, and that while they could expect to pull on a night out I should simply resign myself to the fact that I’d always be the one left out. By that age I’d had exactly one short encounter with a guy I met on holiday, who certainly wasn’t an Adonis.

So I took the opportunity when I moved to a new school to do A levels to start afresh. New friends - real friends, more socialising, not caring what people thought and what I “should” be doing. Suddenly I got male attention, and quite a lot of it, from guys I actually found attractive. And there was confidence. I got a boyfriend, who I was with for 5 years. I flirted. I slept with guys. I did things because I wanted to do them, and I did the things I wanted to do.

I think I built up a persona as a sexy, funny, energetic, sexual person, and I realised that there are different types of attractive. I was happy with myself, I think the persona reflected a genuine part of my personality and it was close to the way I think I naturally am, if things are going well.

And somewhere between then and my depression all that evaporated.

I don’t know how, but my self-confidence was eroded away until I was back at the just-left-school no-one-will-ever-love-me stage, and even worse. I desperately wanted care and attention, but I didn’t believe the love people showed me. Anyway, I’m not going to dwell on that because I came out of it, and built myself back up again, but I’ve never quite achieved the confidence of my late teens/early twenties.

So really it’s just been this weekend that I’ve realised that I’m not happy, that I’m hiding myself because of some pitiful belief that I’m not good enough. I’m not the type to blame other people in my past for my problems today, but it’s easy to see what effect the negative views of my so-called friends have had on me, and how long-lasting it’s been. And that pisses me off, how dare they steal my real personality like that? And how could I let them?
I think that their motivation can only have been jealousy. I’m clever, funny, talented, good at solving problems and learning new things, and I have breasts. And all they had was prettiness, and fashionable clothes.

But anyway. I’m not hiding anymore. To paraphrase Boo the other day, of course I can, I am Anna.

Starting tonight, I’m planning to be me.

Here's the deal

I'm really busy at the moment.

Study, singing, hogs, housework. Lots to do. So I don't have so much time to devote to blogland.

I know I haven't been keeping up with your blogs, and I apologise. I still don't have my computer, but I do have a laptop hooked up at home now.

Basically I'm going to have to cut way down on the blogs I'm reading and commenting on.

And I'm deciding like this. If you read my blog, and want me to read yours, leave a comment to this post and I'll start visiting you again - a couple of times a week at least. Hog people, you're already on my list.

I'm sorry, you're all fun, but I just don't have the time anymore.