Friday, February 23, 2007

Sorry guys

I've neglected you again. Seems that when I'm feeling low my self-destructive streak kicks in and my friends are the first thing I let go. Because I deserve to be miserable. Stupid insecurity.

I'm really going to try to comment more. I've been reading and thinking about you guys, just not saying much.

I realised last night that the past few months (okay, the past year) of not feeling great has been leading me back towards depression again. And it's become clear that I've been at least mildly depressed - I just didn't know it. I felt pretty bad last night, and it was familiar from when I was off sick from work for 6 months with depression. I'm sure I've picked it up a lot earlier this time though (I'm nowhere near as bad) so it should be easier to work through it.

I'm neglecting myself. Not eating properly, not taking medication (for diabetes, high blood pressure and sleep) or vitamins, not taking care with my appearance, not doing anything wich gives me a sense of achievement (apart from singing), staying in the house all day and not seeing anyone (except Michael and choir people).

I thought about going to the doctor, which I've been meaning to do for while. But my surgery is maybe 3 miles away and takes two buses to get there and that is enough to put me off. So I bit the bullet and walked to the surgery that's near me (10 minutes walk) and registered there. I should be in their system soon, then I can go chat to their mental health and diabetes people and see if they can help me.

So my short term plan here is to see a doctor and sort out my meds, etc., and to try to make more effort with people. I've invited my friend Emma round Saturday night and I'm meeting up with Jonathan on Wednesday. I've also been texting people I haven't seen for a while today, and I'm going to try to get on chat more often too (sorry chat people).

And also I'm going to see the Disabled and Dyslexic Students people again, see if they can do anything for me. And I'm going to keep a mood diary, starting from tomorrow - that will help me focus on activities that make me feel good.

I do feel better for having a plan.


  1. Hey, Anna - sorry you've been feeling blue. And glad you're doing something about it! Sometimes making that first move is the hardest - but you've done that now. Just keep moving forward. And do check in - I'd like to know how you're doing.

  2. Oh anna, wish I could make it all go away for you, it sucks big big big time, thankfully my meds are working well, first ones ive been on that have made me feel like i think i should feel, but then thats half the battle really. I keep thinking about a mood diary, but most of the time i put my moods on the blog.

    Hey be good to see you next saturday, think mark is coming too, but hands off he is mine!!!!! I am sure we will have a laugh, even if we are with some serious birders ;)

    Oh and if I have to I will start leaving really crap jokes here too..

  3. Oooooooooooooooo Mark, Yum!

    Is there such a thing as a serious birder, I thought they were called Twitchers! LOL

  4. sorry boo and anna, but after mark and I have spent the day together he will be off the market!!!

    Well I can dream cant I....crikey I wouldnt know what to do with him!!!!!!!

  5. Thanks Sayre - you're dead right, the first move is alwys the hardest. At the moment I'm confident that I can beat this without too much trouble - I've come back from feeling much worse than this, so now I can spot the signs and know how to deal with it. It's all about balancing being kind to yourself and pushing yourself to keep on working at it. I'll keep you updated. :)

    Nic, I think I might end up on meds once I get to see the doc, hopefully just for a short time while I sort myself out. I've always believed that meds are useful to make you feel well enough so you can fix whatever's wrong - not that it has to be some kind of past event messing you up, but often simple little lifestyle changes are what you need to do to make things better.

    And aren't I a serious birder?? ;) I keep lists and everything!!

    You can have Mark, as long as I can have Dom. I prefer my men older.

    That okay Boo?? ;)