Wednesday, September 20, 2006

I wouldn't normally do this, but...

... I'm going to post here about the fact that I feel crappy.

It's just really been today. I have this unpleasant feeling that something's wrong but I don't know what it is. I don't want to do anything. I'm tired. I'm restless. I'm bored. I'm lonely. I've not been sleeping well at night, then I sleep half the day. I have jobs that need doing, the house is a shithole and animals need cleaning out and I need a shower but I can't be bothered to have one and I smell. I'm having to force myself to eat normal food because I'm only interested in cake, chocolate, biscuits and ice-cream and I don't feel hungry.

It doesn't help that Michael's not here, he's been in Edinburgh with work since Sunday and he won't be back until Friday. It's not just that I miss him, it's also that I have no-one to talk to. I haven't spoken to anyone face-to-face since Sunday, and I've only spoken to two people on the phone since then (Michael and Jan). I've become aware of how few friends I really have. Sure, I have friends, but no-one I feel I can really phone and say, "I'm so bored and feel crap, come over and we'll drink wine and eat chocolate and watch a film or something." Probably there are people who would do that. I just feel like there aren't. Plus it's too much effort to phone, or even see anyone.

And I'm starting to get worried about going back to uni on Monday. This year is going to be a lot harder and despite my good marks last year I think I'm going to be out of my depth because I missed so many classes last year, particularly in statistics and how to work and interpret SPSS (the stats program we use). I can't even begin to think how I'm going to catch up. And my essay writing sucks now too, as evidenced by my previous marks. Every multiple-choice exam I've had (apart from one which was hard and ecology isn't my area anyway), I've got above 74, while every essay exam has scored less then 67. The knowledge is there, I'm just not great at using it to write essays. And this year the marks actually count. And I want a first.

And also, I have no money until my next loan installment comes in or my house sale completes, whichever is sooner. It should only be a few weeks, if that, but it's a pain in the ass. I'd like to buy books. My Amazon Wish List for textbooks is full to bursting. And I'd also like to buy hair dye, my hair is seriously looking bad at the moment.

But on the plus side, I just spoke to Michael and he's coming home Thursday night instead of Friday! Yay! I feel a little less crap.


  1. Oh poor Anna, you sound so fed up, maybe make a list of jobs, and make yourself do so many every day, then tick them off, I do that sometimes, when you have loads facing you, its not easy to start, hope you feel better soon. Pauline.

  2. Anna, you are going through a bit of a depression. I recognized the symptoms, especially not being hungry but chomping on sweets! There is just so much that a human being can handle and after that it starts becoming not fun. The thing about friends, yeah, I don't have many friends either, but the ones I do have are great and I know I can count on them. Your studies; You are an intelligent and capable woman, you will do great! Right now you may feel a little down but I have NO DOUBT that you will be a huge success in uni.
    In short, you will get through this slump, we all have them. I'm here if you need to talk.

  3. I hope you're feeling better now, Anna - and that your man has made it back safe and sound.

    I have days like that sometimes. No rhyme or reason - it just is.

    I usually stay on the couch, don't talk on the phone and wallow in chick flicks and ice cream. Then I get over it...

  4. Thanks guys, I do feel better. :)