I've had another visit from someone looking for "
dog sex". Fantastic, makes me smile when that happens. ;)
Reminds me of an amusing story. Here goes - be prepared to be shocked...
I have starred in a porn film.
Okay, breathe. Because there's more.
It was a fetish porn film.
Breathe again.
This happened a few years ago (about 5 I think, but don't quote me), when a friend of mine (Jon, of the
"Warhammer 40k porn" search fame) told me about his desire to make a food porn film, basically involving a girl getting covered in food. Weird, I though, but different strokes for different folks I guess - Jon's a roleplayer, so being a weirdo pervert's just a small step from there.
A while later he'd actually organised it - he'd got cameras, set up his bedroom as a studio (with everything covered in wipe-clean plastic), sent housemate Adam down to the cash&carry for supplies, and booked a prostitute to act in the film.
Unfortunately on the day of the shoot, his ho didn't turn up. And refused to answer her phone.
So he told me about this the next Friday night at the roleplaying club, somewhat disappointed that all his hard (no pun intended) work was going to be wasted, and jokingly asked me if I'd consider starring in his film instead - I wouldn't have to actually do anything sexual, or even get naked if I didn't want - it's just the girl covered in food that the target audience get off on apparently.
It really shocked him when I said yes.
So he lent me a video (
Pie Wedgies) so I could get the idea of what we were aiming for, which turned out to be hilarious. And the next weekend we bought clothes and prepared the food (cheesecake mix with food colouring on paper plates, porridge, strawberry and chocolate sauce), and spent the afternoon filming.
Basically I sat there while Jon threw plates of cheesecake (like custard pies) at me, and pretended to be enjoying it. Actually it was fun, in a silly kind of way - not in the slightest bit sexual but in an sort of innocent, childish way. I got naked as far as topless - no-one wants to see my stomach! The cheesecake was actually really really cold so I did enjoy the warm porridge quite a lot when we got to that, but I discovered that chocolate sauce really stings the eyes.
It was an experience, certainly. I got paid for it, and a cut of the profits too. And Jon says I'm a natural, because looking like you enjoy it is the key thing.
And afterwards I imagined the scenario of the three housemates watching the film, and their thoughts.
Steve - "Mmmm, half-naked girl..."
Jon - "Mmmm, half-naked girl covered in cheesecake..."
Adam - "I could have eaten that."
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